


And Maybe I'll Find A Way To Make It Back Someday

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-23
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2018-09-03 14:33:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8717623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: "Sam and Dean have been together some time, but Dean is unable to be faithful, no matter how much he loves Sammy. Sam, at first, thinks he can deal knowing that Dean will always return to him, and his bed, but it gradually wares on Sam. The last straw is when he comes back to find Dean drunkenly fucking someone in the motel, in *their* bed, something Dean has never done before. Unable to stand it anymore, Sam takes off, sick of hunting, of Dean or his life in general. Using his savings he manages to re-enroll at college and pursues a normal life. He gets a part time job, buys an apartment, makes friends, but to Sam's friends puzzlement always refuses to date. When Dean turns up unexpectedly due to a hunt, Sam refuses to be drawn back into the hunting life or Dean's empty promises. Dean realises he may need to make some sacrifices to his life if he wants Sam back."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** OKAY. I needed a Sam/Dean story in my life. First of all, this is written completely for 'fanspired'. She's been my biggest supporter ever since I started actually writing and she's read a couple of my J2 stories even when her thing is Wincest. So this is for her. The credit for the story idea goes to Jenn! Or 'imogen_lily' She's on LJ, I'm not sure about here. But she's been helping get this started a little bit. So loves to her :) Uuuhm. This story is AU in the respect that, obviously, Sam and Dean haven't been having hot brother sex (which, you know, should happen, I think) and that I used Danneel in place of Jessica (not as Sam's girlfriend or anything, though) and that I'm also using other CW actors. And that I'm not sure if I want my Sam to return to the hunter lifestyle because I was watching 'Dark Side Of The Moon', the firework scene with young Sam and Dean and I cried. Just sat there and blubbered. So, my boys in this story are going to have normal. Don't judge. So yeah. I think that's it..for now. Oh! And most times I like having a song as a sort of mood setting type of thing for my story so that way I stay in focus, so the song I chose for this story is 'Wherever You Will Go', 'The Calling'. Excellent, excellent song. Go listen to it :)

\----------------------------------------------

**_Then - Three Years Ago, Some Run Down Hotel in Iowa_ **

 

Sam stared down at the small square of snow white material. The words 'can't take this, sorry and leaving' stood out like flashing neon signs. He glanced all around the room again, taking in every last detail, before stopping on the bed. The bed. God. A surge of anger and hate on an unreasonable level coursed through him. It faded as fast as it appeared, though. It was useless. He had no more fight in him. What was the point? Really? Things would never change. Sam couldn't make Dean change. He'd have better luck trying not to pick a fight with his dad. And that was saying a whole lot. Stubbornness was pretty much just something you were born with if you were born into the Winchester family. It was embedded in the Winchester DNA. Fuck. Dean was their dad. Down to the last molecule. Dean was his own person, don't get Sam wrong, but Dean could really be a walking, talking version of John when he wanted. Dad's good little soldier.

 

Sam eyes raked over the bed again. What happened there, some odd hours ago, last night, Sam would have liked to lay blame on his father for. Dad always told them that they had no time to get attached to anything or anyone. He drilled that into them from day one. And Sam understood it to a certain degree, sure. You don't want loved ones hurt, sucked into a world that they clearly didn't need to know about. But it just sucks, you know? Fucks up everything. 

 

Sam had thought that since they were brothers that maybe Dean would slowly change. And don't go getting all judgmental on him. To the world, they were brothers, yeah. But to Sam? Dean was just his...everything. Dean was the one who took care of him, made sure he had food in his belly, even when he didn't get to eat. Dean made sure he had some semblance of a 'home' growing up. When dad was gone, Dean was right there. When Sam had nightmares, Dean was the one who consoled him until he fell back asleep. Dean was his provider. When the kids at the many schools he jumped around at would pick on him, Dean would take care of it. Sam fell back on Dean for anything and everything. Was it healthy being so dependent on someone like that? No, no it wasn't. But it didn't matter. It was Dean. Everything was Dean. That was what mattered. Dean.

 

But there were some things that just couldn't be overlooked. Coming back to the hotel to find Dean in bed, in 'their' bed, for all intents and purposes, clearly drunk off his ass, fucking some brunette slut with boobs that jiggled wildly, was one thing for starters. He told Dean, through tears and gritted teeth one night, that he absolutely did not want anything brought back to the hotel. If Sam never saw it, it never happened in his mind. He could have lived with that and for a while he did. The whole 'ignorance is bliss' shit. And it really was. But this...This was the last straw. There was no coming back from this. It just rammed everything home for him. It made him want to get away, far, far away, from all of this. The hunting, Dean's random hook-ups, waiting at dad's beck and call, crying himself to sleep because he could smell Dean's catch of the night as soon as Dean stepped through the door. All of it. 

 

The thought that if Sam, being Dean's own brother, his own flesh and blood, couldn't get Dean to change, then Dean never would change dismayed him. And it wasn't so much that Sam was pissed off and hated Dean or that he wanted him to change completely. Because in truth, he kind of was and sort of did. But he just wanted Dean to get it, to understand why it just...hurt so much. Sam didn't think that was asking for a whole lot. He just wanted Dean to make that change on his own.

 

He tore his gaze away from the bed to stare at his freshly packed duffel bag. Was he really going to go through with it and leave? Leave Dean? He just couldn't stay here, though, if that was how things were going to continue to be. And he couldn't exactly turn off the love he had for his brother and go back in time to a place where lines never got blurred or anything and start over. He tried that a couple times. No such luck. So leaving and getting away from all the supernatural and leaving Dean to fuck his life away seemed best. 

 

He grabbed his bag and headed for the door. But he did the worse thing possible and hesitated, stopping just short of closing his hand around the door knob. He looked down at his duffel bag and it hit him. Could he seriously be without Dean? He talked so much about everything being Dean and now he was ready to just cut Dean out of his life. Could he really go through with it? Of course he could. He was a Winchester. And if a job needed to be done, it got done. No matter what. See? That was what a life of hunting supernatural beings and living under John Winchester's rules got you. Sam was ready to open the door, had his fingers closed around it when he felt it turn from the other side. Dean? He wasn't supposed to be home yet. Sam stepped back just in time to miss getting hit with the door. 

 

"Whoa, Sam. The hell you doing just standing behind the door? That excited for me to get back?"

 

Sam didn't know what to say. Dean apparently did.

 

"Where ya going, Sammy?"

 

He was calm. Like he knew exactly what was going on. It couldn't have been that hard to figure out, though. And Dean was not a stupid person.

 

"I. Dean, you weren't supposed..."

 

"To what? Be home so soon? Excuse me for not knowing you'd be in the middle of trying to run away."

 

There were tears already pooling in Sam's eyes. He couldn't do this. 

 

"Dean. I just. I need to." Sam shook his head. "You don't get it. You..."

 

Sam looked up and his breath caught in his throat. Dean's face. That look. The one where Sam can clearly see anger, pain, disappointment, hurt. Hurt. Hard lines were etched on his face. 

 

"I what, Sam? Enlighten me, yeah?"

 

He didn't want this. Didn't want to deal with this part of leaving. Call it cowardly but he just couldn't stand to see that look on his brother's face. The one he was staring at right now. See? Hesitation. He shouldn't have hesitated. Strong, Sam needed to be strong. 

 

"Dean, I need to get out." There. He said it, straight and to his point. 

 

"You need to leave that damn bad?"

 

Did he? From fighting with his dad all the time to being tired of hunting ghosts and demons and everything else in between to the last couple years of watching Dean give bits and pieces of himself to everyone but Sam? Yes, he does. What if he just wanted normal? Was that so much to ask for? 

 

"Yeah, Dean, I do."

 

Sam grabbed his bag and turned back towards the door.

 

"Sam, don't. Please, just... Was it because of what happened last night? Is that really why you're leaving?"

 

Sam stopped but didn't turn around.

 

"You can't just abandon this life, Sam. It's who we are, what we do. We save people."

 

Dean didn't get it. He never did and never will. It wasn't so much about this life. Okay. It factored in, yes, but Sam needed to get away from Dean just a bit more. He loved Dean, so much, but they both probably knew it would have happened sooner or later. They would have blown up at each other. Sam needed time to just...breathe. Sam wrapped his fist back around the knob and flung the door open. Hands were on him in an instant. 

 

"Sam, stop!" And Sam did. That was the voice Dean used when he gave commands. You don't ignore that voice. "You can't just leave! What about dad?"

 

Suddenly that bout of anger he fely earlier flared through him. He spun around. "Dad? I don't give a damn about dad right now, Dean! All he and I ever do is fight, anyway!"

 

Without any warning, Sam stared deep into green eyes that were hardened. It was kind of like staring at one of those green glass bottles.

 

"What about me! Are you just gonna leave me here?" That one cut Sam pretty deep. "Sam, I need you here with me. I can't do this alone, man!" That one cut just as, or even more, deep.

 

The fight was gone in Sam in an instant, but his will was not. "I'm going, Dean. There's. Just...There's been lines crossed between us that we can't just uncross. We couldn't ever just be brothers again." He didn't even give Dean time to respond, just took off. 

 

Headed out in the direction he knew to there was a bus stop, he let tears fall that threatened to when Dean decided to use the 'I need you' card. He had no idea where he was going to go when he reached the bus stop. He didn't think that much through. He could go to Texas. He loved it down there despite only having been there for a couple weeks and in the middle of summer and being twelve, waiting for their dad to finish a hunt. He could go to...No. Definitely not New York. He was trying to get away from craziness, not go head first into it again. California? It was definitely an option. And probably the best one. He'd try and pick a place that he wouldn't be found in. But that was useless. He'd be found regardless if anyone wanted to find him.

 

It was dark when he finally got to the bus stop. He'd made up his mind that California would be his final destination. No hesitation. He was going there and not thinking twice about it.

* * *

**_Now - Palo Alto, CA_ **

 

"Sam! We're less than two months from graduating. Can you believe it?"

 

Sam extended his arms in time for Danni to jump into them. She squealed once more and Sam released her.

 

"I really can't believe it. Been a long three years."

 

"Heard that."

 

Heard that. Sam smiled to himself. Danneel was awesome. She was the first person he made friends with when he got here three years ago. She 'took him under her wings' and everything. He was so grateful. He didn't know what it was about her, but he opened up right then and there and told her everything. He left some details out, of course. The ones about how he used to hunt demons for a living and how the guy he cried his eyes out about to her was really his brother. You know, those details. But he did tell her everything else he could. She listened. And she cried with him. Then they had pity sex. And that was okay with Sam. He really just needed some sort of release. At first he was scared, because he got pretty rough with her, but after it was over she slapped him on the chest and said, 'Good game, champ.' They laughed about the whole thing afterwards and have been attached at the hip since. Besides, Danni was going places. The girl was smart as all hell and quick on her feet. There was no way Sam would ever tie down a girl like that with the baggage he had to carry around.

 

"I'm just worried about final exams. I actually get to work on a case as one of my exams. I'm scared shitless."

 

Danni hit Sam playfully on his arm. "Shut up. You'll be fine. Obviously. You're in the top three percent of your class. Or you wouldn't have been picked."

 

Sam smiled. "Heard that."

 

Danni laughed. "I'm ready to go get lunch. What do you say? Your turn?"

 

"Oh but of course," Sam said as he rolled his eyes. 

 

Sam walked Danni to her apartment after lunch. She kissed his cheek and he took off down the sidewalk. He thought about Danni. Thought about her red hair. The way it hit the sun just right and if the wind blowed, it looked like strands of fire billowing against the blue sky. He thought about how her body looked. Her soft, sinuous structure. But she was still tough. She could definitely hold her own if she needed to. Sam found that out the first time he met her. He thought about her smile. The smile that would light up any room. He could have loved her, if he had wanted to, she was perfect.

 

But he really couldn't. Everything he did, he still did it for Dean. Dean was still there. Sam could feel him everywhere. He'd caved in that first year he left and had texted Dean just to see how he was doing. Sam figured it was harmless enough. But then Dean never texted or called or anything, just ignored the text, and things went off from there. It kept bugging him, still did, that Dean just ignored him like that. He supposed he had it coming, though. 

 

Sam stopped right there in the middle of the sidewalk. He was doing exactly what he didn't want to. He was thinking about Dean. Again. He swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. He had good things going on in his life right now. He was in his last year at Stanford. He was graduating at the top of his class. He had an internship set up already. He had Danneel. And Chad and Ian, too. He had a few people in his life that he'd stayed around for more than two whole seconds. He had it all pretty good. Except...

 

Except he really kind of did miss his big brother. He missed the way Dean would have just one certain smile for him and only him. He missed the way Dean felt inside him. That left a hole that ached every single damn day. Figuratively speaking, of course. He missed being intimate with Dean, with anyone. He hadn't really had any luck in that department since he got here. Besides Danni. But that didn't count. And there were people that looked, that came up to him. But he didn't do one night stands and he didn't want a relationship, so...he fucked himself on that one. Or Dean did. Whatever. But he threw himself into studying for law school, so it balanced out in the end for Sam. Work came before play time and he was so damn close to actually being done with school. His first real accomplishment. Too bad Dean...

 

There he went again. Sam shook his head, clearing thoughts of Dean away, and finished walking the few blocks to the gym.

 

The gym. His home away from home. Apparently you could take the kid out of Winchester, but you couldn't take the Winchester out of the kid. He kept up on his fighting. One never knew. Plus, working out had just become an outlet for him. And it worked. It helped keep his head on straight most of the days. If there was a moment where everything was beginning to be too much, he went to the gym and it helped the moment pass just a little bit smoother. 

 

Now, three years of going to the gym? It definitely showed. Sam no longer looked like the scrawny, disproportionate kid he used to. Where there used to be just lean meat, there was now well defined muscle. When he flexed, muscles strained and bulged. He was proud of his body. He could probably take Dean in a fight now he was that proud.

 

Dean. Sam closed his eyes and let thoughts of Dean filter through and into his workout. By the end, the only thing on his mind was his exams and finally being done with Stanford.


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: Okay. I literally had NOTHING to do all day. So I wrote. And wrote. And wrote. And finally got this. Sam graduates :) I was so happy to see that at least somewhere since he never got to on the show. And the first graduation speech by the Dean was actually part of the recent June 16th graduation at Stanford Law and part of the speech that Sam gives was part of a 2007 graduates speech. So, yeah :D And! The restaurant I named is actually real. Yay!  


* * *

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Unbelievable. Just. He was speechless. He did it. He really did it. He watched a teardrop fall from his cheek down onto the paper he held.

 

"Awe, Sam. Are you okay?"

 

Sam looked up. "I did it." He was dumbfounded. "I really did it."

 

Danni smiled. "I know, babe. I'm so proud of you."

 

Sam shook his head. "You don't get it. I did it. I just graduated from college." She didn't get it. Not really. Sam never even thought he'd be going to college, much less actually getting his final grades in his hands and getting ready to start an internship in the next few months. It was never really a dream that was in his grasp before.

 

"Well, technically we don't graduate until next month. But I get it, Sam."

 

Sam just smiled softly. "You did it, too."

 

Danni grinned. "Hell yeah I did. And I didn't have to sleep with even one professor!"

 

Sam allowed the moment to cut through his mood and laughed just as a voice filtered through the room. 

 

"Who's sleeping with who? And are there anymore offers?"

 

Sam didn't even have to turn around to be able to tell who it was. "You would, Chad," he said dryly.

 

Chad slapped him on the shoulder. "Damn right I would."

 

Sam laughed despite himself. Chad. Chad Murray. Sam had no words for that guy. Chad was, well, he was different. Lived in a world all on his own. The blonde, spiked, gelled hair and blue eyed typical California surf boy look pretty much made Chad an open book. What did you think of when you saw those typical California surf kids? Stuck up, full of themselves, douche bags, right? Well, there was Chad in a nutshell. But under all of that there was a surprisingly quick-witted person. Chad could argue the pants off a nun he was that good. Sam met Chad a couple months after meeting Danneel. And at first, Sam was disgusted by Chad. All the guy ever did was crack crude sexual jokes, stacking the odds against himself with that California surf boy look. And there was one time that he decided to take a crack at Sam's nonexistent sex life. Which brought back memories he didn't want anywhere near his thought processes. Which led to Sam punching Chad right in the mouth. Which in turn led Sam to get hooked on going to the gym. The anger needed to go other places and not in the form of a fist on his friends faces. Chad forgave him, Sam didn't tell him why he really hit him, Chad hadn't left him alone since. So everything worked out okay on that front. For the most part.

 

"Sam?"

 

Sam looked up to see Danni and Chad giving him funny looks. "What?"

 

"You definitely just spaced out," Chad said as he sat down at the table. They were in the library at school.

 

"Sorry, guys." Suddenly something hit Sam. "What time is it?"

 

Danni looked at the clock hanging over the librarian's desk. "11:38. Why?"

 

Shit. "I'm gonna be late for work." Work was being a server at a restaurant called 'Gordon Biersch'. It paid the bills. Plus the place was actually kind of classy. But it still felt...homey. He had no problem settling in.

 

Chad threw his hand out. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Sam. Are you going out with us tonight?"

 

"I don't know. Depends on what time I get off work," Sam said as he flung papers and books into his bag. That and if he really wanted to. If Chad was involved that meant bad news.

 

Chad just shrugged his shoulders. "You're coming with."

 

As he walked away he heard Chad whisper, "Why doesn't he ever want to go out? Or meet people? He needs to get laid."

 

Danneel's quiet but curt reply, "Just drop it, Chad," came a few seconds later.

* * *

"I really can't believe I'm here."

 

Sam looked around at all the sweaty, half-naked, gyrating bodies. Danni sidled up to him.

 

"Loosen up! We all deserve it. And you, you deserve something up your ass besides that stick. And you know I say that with love."

 

Sam rolled his eyes. He knew Danni meant no harm, but he really just didn't want the hassle of dealing with any sort of...anything right now.

 

"And it's not like there isn't a decent supply of choices here."

 

Sam snorted and took a sip of his drink. "That's because Chad dragged us to a pride event. And we're in California. In a bar. Of course there's a steady supply."

 

Danni smiled and snaked her way into the crowd. Sam crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat. 

 

It's not that he wasn't having a good time, believe it or not, he really was. He was unwinding and relaxing. And shit like this, going out to a bar, getting liquor in your system, was awesome because people have no inhibitions when they get drunk off their ass and that was amazing to see. The people here had no worries about demons or ghosts or whatever else. And it was sad that Sam's first thought would be anything supernatural related. But he knew Chad's reasoning behind coming here and was just getting tired of Chad stepping over boundaries. None of Sam's problems had to make sense to everybody else. He didn't have to explain anything to anyone. Or. No. No, that wasn't right. It wasn't fair to blame Chad. Chad didn't know anything about his past. He was just tired of being reminded of Dean everywhere he went. It got a little old after a while. He also just got tired of everyone asking why he never wanted to 'date'. If he didn't want to, he didn't want to. You know? And it's not like he just sat there and sulked and thought about Dean. No. Most days, he really didn't let that part of his life cross with the one he had now. But there was just constant reminders and Sam couldn't always help himself. 

 

He sighed and downed the rest of his drink. Wasn't that much left, anyway. The liquor burned slightly going down. Vodka? He wasn't sure. Danni ordered his drink. It tasted like vodka when he first sipped it and then stared at it like it was going to do a trick. Only tequila or vodka made him do that and that was definitely not tequila. He signaled the bartender and ordered another one of whatever he had.

* * *

Sam sat at his desk, typing up an essay for his internship. He still had plenty of time but he couldn't sleep and figured it wouldn't hurt. The clock on it said 3:47 A.M. He had to admit it, but only he would be up this late, whether he couldn't sleep or not, working on something school related. He yawned involuntarily and stretched out in the chair, his bones popping in the most heavenly way. A sudden movement outside the window caught his eye. He got up and peeked through the navy blue curtains. Darkness. Except for the street lamps. Sam shrugged his shoulder and sat back down at his desk. Normally he would have grabbed a shotgun full of rock salt and ran the hell outside. It felt nice to not care what was outside his window. He no longer checked his closet for the bogeyman, either.

 

The next thing he knew the sun was trying to peek through those same navy blue curtains. He doesn't even remember falling asleep, let alone actually closing the laptop shut to lay on top of it.

 

He got up and showered and that was when he discovered a mark on his face. He leaned closer to the mirror. There was two 'L' shapes, for sure. But he couldn't make out the last one. An 'E' maybe? It took him all of about ten seconds to remember where he'd seen it before. On his laptop. What a dumbass. He'd fallen asleep with his cheek laying against the Dell logo on the top of his laptop. He grinned at himself in the mirror and walked out into the living room. He threw himself down on the couch, a towel the only thing covering himself up. It felt amazing being able to be so careless like this. Grabbing the remote, he flicked through the channels before coming to a stop on Nickelodeon. That stupid little, yellow sponge dude was on again. And don't you dare judge. It was entertainment and Sam was, well, entertained. Sue him.

 

For some reason, though, he kept getting a weird feeling. It was like he could feel a pair of eyes on him. Call it natural instinct, whatever, he got up and looked out the curtains again. Cars lined the street. A few people were out walking around. The sky was the most amazing shade of blue. The sun was shining. Nothing out of the ordinary.

* * *

**_Nineteen Days Later, June 16th - Auditorium Of Stanford College_ **

 

"Fortunately, if history teaches us anything, it's that great challenges bring great opportunities. Which means you leave here with opportunities to make a difference that are rare. So we say to you, rise to the challenge. Be ambitious, take chances, do something that makes the world a better, safer place." 

 

Sam fiddled with the index cards in his hands. Of course, because he was graduating at the top of his class, he had to give a speech. And he was going to take this serious enough. He never, ever thought he'd be here right now. Wearing his black robe and getting ready to give a speech to his class. The sudden thought that he wished Dean were here flared through him and he felt a tear slide down his face. Stupid Dean. Stupid family business. Stupid...ugh. Stupid everything when it came to that side of his life. He took a deep breath and walked up the few steps to get to the stage, having heard his name being said into the microphone. Cheers erupted. He cleared his head and his throat and took his place at the podium.

 

"Faculty, staff, family and friends...Thank you for joining us today. The Class of 2012 is graduating. Our time here at Stanford Law is coming to a close. But it must be said, we've been a damn good class!" Cheers erupted again, this time a little louder. 

 

"Occasionally tempers flared. Probably more often that not, actually. But it is a testament to our class that, despite diverse perspectives, we remained a cohesive group. One student recently told me that one of the best parts of Stanford Law was how well he got along with those he adamantly disagreed with, on issues that he considered core to the understanding of himself, of his beliefs. Perhaps this was an inevitable result of attending a law school that resided in paradise? I mean, really, how can anyone stay mad at anything when the weather is so damn beautiful all the time and the sky is always so blue? But it is not just the weather that makes Stanford Law great. It is the people who choose to attend school here." By the time Sam was finished, he could hear sniffles in the audience and there were tears in his own eyes. 

 

The Dean got back on stage to hand out their diplomas and Sam took his seat in the way back of his class, cheers erupting once more as they all smiled and waved at him.

 

When the ceremony was finished, Sam walked outside the building and looked around. All the people in his class were standing around with their families. It hurt Sam. It just wasn't fair, you know? He thought he at least deserved to have some family here. He stared down at his diploma. It almost didn't feel right having it. 

 

A sort of nagging feeling started eating at Sam. Like the one from this morning. He looked up and glanced around. Still nothing. He saw Danneel with her family, Chad with his. This Ian kid that he just recently met. Through Chad, no less. He warned Chad but the guy, Ian, actually turned out to be pretty decent. That was as far as that went, though. He finished scanning the crowd and that was when it caught his eye. Green. He'd know that green anywhere. But it seriously couldn't be. A head belonging to someone he didn't know turned and blocked his view. He scrambled down the sidewalk looking for that green. But he couldn't find it again. 

 

What? He definitely would know that green anywhere. But it just...gone. And he...

 

"Sam?"

 

Sam whirled around. It was Danneel. Only Danni. "Uh. Yeah. Uhm. What's up?"

 

She looked around the throng of people before answering him. "You looked pretty freaked out. You okay, babe?"

 

Sam shook his head. "I think I saw him, Danni."

 

"Dean?"

 

Sam just nodded his head.

 

"Sam," Danni started softly. "It's been three years."

 

"No, no. It was him. I know it was."

 

Danni reached out and wrapped a thin, feminine hand around his bicep. "Sam. You were in pretty bad shape when you first got here. Don't do this again. Please."

 

Sam looked down at her. She was right. "You're right. I'm sorry." He wasn't ready to throw in the towel just because he 'thought' he saw Dean.

 

The redhead standing in front of him grinned, all traces of worry wiped from her face. "I'm always right, mister. Now let's go. We're all going out tonight! And you're definitely getting drunk. No ifs, ands or buts."

 

"But..."

 

"Saaam," she whined.

 

He grinned. "Just kidding. Let's go."


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes: I have an addiction problem when it comes to writing. I'm nowhere near kidding, guys. Oh! I brought a character into this story that I was super sad for when I had heard this certain one passed away. So, in my world, he's alive and well :) And part of the Supernatural world, because I've seen pictures where he used to visit his daddy on set :)  


* * *

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Sam rolled over and groaned. There was a little man with a drum just pounding away in his head and he needed to go away. Preferably now. Tequila. Never again. He rolled back the other way and found three pills and a bottle of water laying on his nightstand. Danni? He grabbed his phone and texted her.

 

_-Hey. Thx for the aspirin :)_

 

A few minutes after, his phone rang. The noise sounding like a marching band was in the room with him.

 

"Sam. Are you...you're okay?"

 

"Uh. Why wouldn't I be? So I actually drank for once. Big deal.

 

"No, no. I didn't leave any aspirin there for you. Sam, you..."

 

Sam didn't really like where this conversation was going already. "I what, Danni?" He was suddenly hit with a strong sense of deja vu.

 

"You broke your panty rule and went home with some gorgeous looking thing! And I was so jealous!" It practically came out in one breath.

 

Sam looked at his bed. "There's no one here? And the bed doesn't even looked messed up at all." So not likely, he wouldn't do that.

 

"So, he made your bed before he split? If you ever find him, keep him."

 

Sam was...well, he didn't know. "I really went home with someone?"

 

"Yes," she sighed. "It's okay, though, you know."

 

"Danni, I just. I feel dirty already. Why would you let me leave with someone?"

 

"You're going to blame me? Thanks Sam. Really."

 

And okay. It really wasn't her fault. "Danneel. I'm sorry."

 

Suddenly everything was puppies and candy canes again. "Oh, I know you are. You are okay, though?"

 

Sam smiled, though no one could see him. "Yeah. I'm alright. I'm a firm believer in 'if I didn't see it, it never happened', so...I'm okay." More deja vu. So he wasn't all that okay. But he was an adult. He could handle breaking a 'panty rule'.

 

"Well good. He was really cute! But he seemed really weird at the same time. I mean, he was wearing a heavy leather jacket. Who does that when they're in Palo Alto?"

 

"A leather jacket?" Green. Leather jacket.

 

"Yeah. Anyway. Did he at least leave his number anywhere?"

 

It could just be a huge coincidence. Those green eyes. The feelings of being watched. A guy in a leather jacket taking him home. Sam was probably just freaking himself out. "Uh, no. He didn't."

 

"Well darn. What are you gonna do today, then?"

 

What else would he do? "Recover until I go to work." He heard Danni laugh.

 

"Oo. I forgot you had to cover a shift tonight. Call or text me later? Let me know you're still alive."

 

Sam said his goodbyes and sunk down on his bed. He probably really was just getting himself worked up but it still bothered him. He could play off having thought he saw a pair of eyes at graduation, but a guy taking him home in a leather jacket? That bothered him. He hadn't seen too many people around Palo Alto wearing leather jackets. It's the summer for Christ sakes.

 

Whatever. He flung himself back against the bed, bare back rustling against the cool, cotton sheets and fell back asleep. Or tried to as best as he could with that little drummer in his head, anyway.

* * *

Sam walked outside into the alley behind work. It was break time and he needed the fresh air. His stupid hangover headache wouldn't go away. It had subsided a bit from earlier, sure, but he could just feel his head throbbing. He ran a hand through his soft, brown locks and blew out a sigh. Work was dragging. He still had at least two hours left to go.

 

He glanced around the alley, eyes catching on a dark figure huddled by the dumpster. It wasn't very big, but it wasn't a small shape, either. He cocked his head sideways and walked towards it cautiously. As soon as he got close enough he realized what it was. A dog. Sam's mood instantly perked up and deflated at the same time. Perked up because if a dog was living in an alley, his life was at least a little better than that. It deflated because he just wanted to take the little thing home. It didn't deserve to live in an alley and hope that maybe it'll find scraps of food. It might not have even got fed at all most days. Sam looked closer at the dog. It did look a little underweight, its light brown-red fur stretching slightly over its belly. Sam felt his bottom lip curl out and down.

 

The dog raised its head at Sam as he walked closer and Sam gingerly reached a hand out. It didn't move at all. Sam lightly brushed his fingers over the dog's head and it leaned into the touch appreciatively. That noise? That was Sam's heart breaking into a bunch of pieces. He smiled and scratched the dog's ears. When it stood up and came and sat at Sam's feet, he caved.

 

He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and dialed Danni's number.

 

"Good! You're alive!" What a way to be greeted.

 

"Danni, I need your help."

* * *

"I won't ask any questions, you kinky little thing you, but here's the dog cage you asked for."

 

Danni stopped as soon as she crossed the threshold and took notice of the thing currently running around Sam's house. "Well. That definitely makes much more sense."

 

Sam grinned at her from his spot on the couch. "I couldn't help it. I had to."

 

"You took in a puppy! It's so cute. He or she?"

 

"He. He's got things hanging down."

 

Danni snorted and set the cage down. "Did you name him yet?"

 

Sam shook his head. "I couldn't decide. Help me pick a name."

 

Danni sat down next to Sam and he watched as her face crinkled in concentration. "Well, he's obviously pretty playful. Energetic. What about Spunky? Or Sparky."

 

"Spunky? No thanks."

 

Danni watched from the living room as the puppy pounced at an empty beer case sitting next to the fridge in the kitchen. "Just name him Fido and get it over with."

 

"I want something manly. He deserves a good name. You didn't see the way he was just...laying there in the alley, Danni."

 

Danni looked up thoughtfully. "What about Harley? We had a blast getting to ride motorcycles that one time when Chad surprised us."

 

"Harley?" Harley. Sam glanced up at the dog. He pictured calling the dog Harley in his head and the bouncing ball of energy suddenly perked up and looked toward Sam, as if hearing his thoughts. Sam smiled and slapped his knee gently and clicked his tongue a couple times. The dog bounded into the living room and sidled right up to Sam.

 

He looked at Danneel. "Harley it is."

 

Sam fell asleep that night with Harley curled up behind him on the bed.

* * *

**_Thirty-three Days Later_ **

 

Sam was fast asleep, stuck somewhere in la-la land, when he was jolted awake. Apparently he wasn't deep enough in la-la land. He sat up quickly and looked around his room. Darkness. That was it. He double checked the shadows. Nothing weird there. He was ready to lay back again when something bounded on the bed. Sam's heart skipped a beat. Harley. It was only Harley. He breathed a sigh of relief. Harley snuggled up beside him and he laid back down.

 

San was just about back to sleep when he heard a noise coming from what sounded like the kitchen. A chair skidding on the linoleum? Harley's ears perked up just as Sam slid out of bed. He grabbed the baseball bat, purposely ignoring the knife that was a couple more feet away and buried at the bottom of his closet, and tiptoed out into the hallway. A shadow moved and Sam stilled. The shadow moved again. It was coming closer.

 

Sam gripped the bat tighter. Was he scared? Not really. He'd encountered worse things than a burglar before. Sam swung the bat just as a face appeared around the corner.

 

The drywall breaking away from the impact of the bat registered with him briefly before he heard a deep voice holler out, "Jesus Christ, Sammy!"

 

Sam dropped the bat instantly. He'd recognize that voice anywhere, no matter when the last time he'd heard it was. It made his blood run cold. "Dean?"

 

A light flickered on and Sam came face-to-face with a pair of green eyes and a leather jacket that had been haunting him for the last couple months.


End file.
